[Album Review] Kato Miliyah - LIBERTY

This album cover is just waiting to be vandalised with bukkake shots.

Eleven years into the business, it's ironic that Kato Miserableface's album is titled so when she's clearly not liberated from shitty album covers. You can try to distract us with the glitter all over your eyes, bitch. You can try.

[Album Review] ayumi hamasaki - A ONE

When you can't sell records, titties are always a solution! ;)

"While I was living overseas, I guess I realised that I really craved the subtleties and detail of the Japanese language. That feeling of 'I want to express it in Japanese' built up inside me and I started to write lyric after lyric. To be perfectly honest, it wasn't that I purposely sought out to make an album that sounded like the old me. It just happened."

ayumi hotmesssaki has somewhat admitted that she really is some kind of a mess. Secondly, I think we all wish Namie Amuro would "crave the subtleties and detail of the Japanese language" too, no?

A ONE is more or less yet another safe, #throwback #throwahoetotheback album as per her pattern since 2010's Love songs, followed by 2013's horrendous LOVE again. But thank god the use of the word "love" isn't in the pattern.

It's like ayumi hotmesssaki stirs a little shit up (Party Queen, Colours) before cowering back into her little corner to create something more subdued, more classic J-Pop. And this is why to many fans, A ONE comes across as a familiar record with little surprises.

[Album Review] Koda Kumi - WALK OF MY LIFE

"Fuck me now."

A new ramen restaurant just opened in town. There is massive hype for it, because it's been around in Japan for the past 10 years and is still going strong. There are long queues almost every day. Naturally, you try it for yourself one day in your hometown. Unfortunately, the soup was awfully bland. The pork slices were tough and overcooked. The noodles tasted rubbery. The bottom of the bowl didn't seem remotely near in sight even though it felt like you spent an hour trying to painfully finish it.

Now let's change the setting.

It's Koda Kumi's 15th anniversary. An autobiographical-titled album, WALK OF MY LIFE, is released. Pussies will be popped. Weaves will be snatched. Confetti will be scattered around Tokyo. The ramen will, however, still suck. But the ramen's not alone in this, because the album also sucked.

Alas, life isn't always fair like this.

Mid-Year Reality Check: 5 Albums in 2014 to Check Out

2014 so far has been a year that has truly expanded my horizons. Thanks to schoolwork, my eyebags have a total surface area of 50cm² now, a size I previously thought would never become reality. My 64GB iPhone 5s also maxed out its storage space for the first time ever, which has, of course, sent me into an indefinite period of depression.

I also got to hear some pretty good J-music as of recent times, so here are 5 of the most kickass albums I've heard this year that I feel are worth listening, which I hope will help you tide over whichever sort of depression you're experiencing too. And if you thought 2013 was bad, these albums only solidify that fact further.

[Album Review] DREAMS COME TRUE - Watashi to Drecom -DREAMS COME TRUE 25th ANNIVERSARY BEST COVERS-

Mass orgy time!

Best albums are commonplace in Japan's music scene, but as far as I know tribute albums are almost unheard of, and there isn't a better occasion that calls for it than for DREAMS COME TRUE's 25th anniversary. DREAMS COME TRUE has been around since FOREVER and I think their music is really unparalleled compared to other J-Pop acts. I don't even know why they don't receive as much attention internationally as their other veteran counterparts like B'z and SMAP.

[Album Review] Koda Kumi - Bon Voyage

"Yeah all u bitches be trippin up on this shizz right here"

I believe one thing fans need to realise by now is that Koda Kumsies does not give a single flying fuck about reinventing herself anymore. Gorl is old enough to do what she wants to do, and Bon Voyage is the very result of that. This predominantly dance pop record proves that Kuu has done it right again and isn't trying to prove anything other than to have fun in one of her most cohesive efforts since forever.

[Album Review] Kato Miliyah - LOVELAND

"MMMM GIMME SOMMADAT SWAGHETTI YOLONESE OM NOM NOM NOM" 

Prior to listening to Kato Miserableface's music I only knew three things about her: she's been around since forever, she frequently makes very questionable cover choices and looks miserable all the damn time. With her looking like that on the HEAVEN album covers, knowing that I'm definitely going to hell actually puts me at ease.

LOVELAND piqued my interest because I was pretty impressed when I stumbled upon one of the songs (UNIQUE), and went on to listen to the album previews which seemed not bad. Plus, there's something mysteriously alluring about the cover. Probably the pasta. I love me some pasta. Case in point for Kato Miserableface's miserable face? She still looks miserable even when she's eating PASTA.

[Album Review] JASMINE - Complexxx

"They got me while I was trying to hang my clothes up on this pole, dammit"

JASMINE was like a breath of fresh air when she first debuted. GOLD was definitely serving some hot R&B realness and sold better than most of her J-Urban peers. The last female solo R&B singer to impress me was Aoyama Thelma, and the only ONE WAY bitch is heading towards now is down six feet under with her career. Complexxx shows JASMINE's move of evolving her sound, with this sophomore effort attempting to mesh together classic R&B with the ubiquitous electropop music today. For an album that kept us waiting 3 years for, there definitely leaves much, much more to be desired, which is ironic for an album titled Complexxx when some songs are just basiccc.

[Album Review] Namie Amuro - FEEL

"Feeling for my moustache. I think I forgot to shave!"

Uncontrolled was something quickly put together without much creative input from herself, said Namie Amuro. To put it harshly, Namie thought Uncontrolled was a hot mess. Concept-wise, maybe, but 1 year later I'm still finding Uncontrolled to be a stellar album, which is why FEEL has a lot of expectations to live up to.

Especially with only one single released prior, which ended up being one of her lowest selling singles anyway (yeah yeah enough talk about how it's only one version, sales are declining blah blah blah. We all know the real reason for its crap sales was its hideous cover). So this time, Namie is taking the driver's seat and steering that wheel HARD.

[Album Review] Koda Kumi - Color the Cover

Koda Kumi steals ayumi hamasaki's Sparkle PV set for the cover 

I think Koda Cum-i's reason for titling her first ever cover album ETERNITY ~Love & Songs~ was because she covered the songs and completely transformed them to sound timeless - hence the use of "eternity". I'm just assuming though - she probably explained her own reason in one of the 9000 magazines she's featured on. This time, gurl ain't gon' do that shit anymore. This time, she covers a shitload more songs for Color the Cover, and this album is pretty much the aural equivalent to the entire color palette of her wig collection - SHITLOADS OF COLORS Y'ALL. Either that or she probably just forgot that she released ETERNITY.

[Album Review] ayumi hamasaki - LOVE again

"Buy rabu agen for watashi no CLEAVAGE"

It being the last studio album she actively promoted, the first studio album she conceptualised and written in its entirety with cohesion, and even naming two concerts after it, you can already tell ayumi hotmessaki sure loves her Love songs. 1 studio album later, she farts out another one called LOVE again. It's either meant to be an obvious second part album to Love songs, or an attempt to pay homage to her second studio album, LOVEppears. I personally think she's just lazy and conveniently decided combine her previous 2 "mini-albums".

It's funny how this studio album comes right after the trainwreck that was Party Queen. Can't say much shit about it though, since its title track was what gave me inspiration for this heck of a blog's title, but you can tell the stark difference between the concept, album arts and all. From the experimental, no-singles, shit-selling and riot-causing Parlee Kwee, Ayu listens to y'all, guys, and has as a result recoiled back into a more safe, even-more-shit-selling, throwback sound that is liberally smeared all over LOVE again.

[Album Review] Mika Nakashima - REAL

"I wanna sleep why am I being forced to squat"

For the first time in Mika Nakashima's career she only released 4 singles, not 5, before an album! What blasphemy! But knowing that 3 of the 4 singles released for this album's era were more or less ordinary ballads, I really didn't want to put my expectations too high for this album. After all, Mika hasn't really been an artist who strays to the extremes for experimentation. For a comeback album after 2+ years, while it has its own gems here and there, it unfortunately isn't as impressive as I hoped it would be.

[Album Review] ayumi hamasaki - A Classical

I have the insider story from avex trax itself. Apparently, after announcing the 5-releases-in-5-months campaign for ayumi hotmessaki's trainwreck of a 15th anniversary, Ayu's marketing team gathered in the conference room. The atmosphere was solemn that afternoon.

"What will the third release be?"

That was the question running through everyone's mind, but it didn't take them long to search "ayumi hamasaki discography" on Wikipedia before coming to a conclusion. "Another kurashiku arubamu!" yelled one employee. Everyone stared at him with confusion in their eyes.

"But Mitsubishi-san! We can't possibly do a Party Queen Classical? Its chart position will surely be N/A!"

"That's why we're not going to make a Party Queen Classical. Think about it. 15 years of music. Put the 'Classic' in Classical. DUH OF COURSE WE GON USE HER CLASSICS GURL LET'S JUST POST A POLL ON TA NOW AND ASK WHAT'S THEIR FAV SONGS WHICH WILL OBVS BE LIKE M AND SHIT LOLLLL"

[Album Review] Kaela Kimura - Sync

Can't touch ma weave bitches

When Kaela Kimura made her comeback after giving birth with 8EIGHT8, it didn't turn out to be as good as I had hoped for it to be. The songs are either really good or really shit, and she didn't exactly change her style from where she left off with HOCUS POCUS. This time with her seventh album, Sync, having it produce no hit singles prior to its release, will she be switching things up or still stick with the same sound she's been having since 253 B.C.?

[Album Review] ayumi hamasaki - again

I want to show the world how happy I am with my new boyfie, Maro-kun! ^_^

As the 2nd of 5 releases on the 8th of every month leading up to her 15th anniversary, again is once... again, another mini-album, that is once... again, like LOVE, which is not really a mini-album. It's not even a mystery why it's titled that way. Even though this album flopped hard on the charts and Namie is getting a real kick out of looking at her fall from grace from the top of Tokyo Dome, are the quality of the songs in this release a sad, miserable flop too?

[Album Review] ayumi hamasaki - LOVE

Look ma, no make-up!

ayumi hotmessaki has been having a very... eventful love life these past few years. What with the marriage, the divorce, a new boy toy, etc., of course Ayu is going to be talking about love once again with another love-themed album because obviously like she said, she tends to keep her work and private life separate. Why of course.

[Album Review] Superfly - Force

Bam 

We can all agree that there's no one quite like Superfly. She sure may not have revolutionized the stale-becoming J-Pop industry, but she undeniably holds her own with her unique and distinct rock and roll sound. 5 years into her successful career, Shiho shows no signs of backing down with her new album, Force. She show them bitches how it's done.

[Album Review] Angela Aki - BLUE

Weeee!

Angela's last good studio album was ANSWER in 2009. LIFE almost became as good as that but some of the English tracks were just meh, and I refuse to acknowledge WHITE as part of her discography. WHITE was obviously a rushed release because of her pregnancy and I can count the number of good tracks on just one hand. Oh wait, I can even count the number of tracks on the entire album with both my hands. Top that along with the fact that 2 of the songs were unnecessary, reductive self-covers. That's how rushed that shit was. Angela is in need of a good redemption with her 7th studio album, BLUE, before her career drops down to the bottom of the blue sea.

[Album Review] Crystal Kay - VIVID

AHHHHHHHHHHH

VIVID is Crystal Kay's 10th overall studio album and her 1st since her label switch from Epic Records to Delicious Deli Records over at Universal Music. This release comes with a CD+DVD limited edition containing the music videos for 3 of her past singles, "Superman", "Delicious na Kinyoubi" and "Forever" along with the making-of footage to "Forever" as well as the regular edition with only the 14-track CD.

First of all, I think the cover says nothing about the word "VIVID". I was expecting Crystal Kay to dish up some A+ shade to BoA's horrendous Vivid single cover but noooo she's just standing there looking boring. I don't hate it entirely, I just think it looks too simple for an album with a title like that. One thing I do like about it is how pretty Crystal looks. Once again, Crystal Kay does her classic one-edition-one-pose-the-other-another-pose combination for this release despite her label switch. Lovely.

[Album Review] Namie Amuro - Uncontrolled

"Yo baby waddup"

20 years into the industry, Queen of Hip-Pop Namie Amuro certainly isn't showing signs of slowing down. The fact that she's doing better than some of her peers even shows that she is slowly reaching her arms out, inching her way towards grabbing the crown off ayumi hamasaki's head. With the release of her 10th album, Uncontrolled, comprising 4 new songs and all of the 9 a-sides she's released (talk about actually taking a career risk), will it come off as a cohesive effort or an absolute mess? Or will she take this sound to the next level from where she left off at PAST < FUTURE back in 2009?