HUUUUUGE order!

Hey whaddup sexies!

J-Pop nowadays is getting a bit stale, and I'm not even pinning hopes on ayumi hamasaki claiming that she's going to bring a "new sound" once she steps into the studio. So to tide over my lack of J-Pop goodness, I've decided to buy a shitload of stuff from the 90s / early 2000s just to reminisce good shit.

Voila! All secondhand of course. I'm a cheap bitch. And I threw in Beyoncé there for the lulz. I didn't know that came in a digipak.

I was a tad disappointed because I thought I was gonna get another cover for SWEET 19 BLUES... alas, I got the exact same cover as the one that I already have. Surprisingly the colours in this one are richer than the one I already own. Probably a more recent pressing, which makes me even sadder.

I've always wanted to get ELT's Many Pieces too, but held back until today. I don't even know why, I don't think the album is even that good.

Most of the CDs came in surprisingly good condition though, even for the DREAMS COME TRUE albums, which are from the Jurassic era. I was half-expecting everything to come badly scratched up and shattered to pieces like it occasionally happens when I buy shit from eBay. Things can get really nasty over there.

And I didn't think I'd ever get hold on promo CDs! Usually they cost like a shitload of money, at least for Western music, but I got them for a reaaaally low price, so now it makes me feel all exclusive and shit.

While I mentally prepare myself for an upcoming hell week (I have 5 submissions due in the same week, good god) you guys can get ready for Namie's upcoming album to slay all your faves.

Perfume shows they don't fuck around at the Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity

We all know Perfume doesn't fuck around when it comes to bringing visuals to their shows, and not even the French's faves can ever come up with something like this. They are serving some projection-shit and origami-dress REALNESS!

My only complaint is that they shouldn't have only performed the extended mix of Spending all my time. I don't think performing a 6-minute long track of you simply going "Spending all my time loving you forever" in front of an international audience who probably wouldn't know you is going to make a very big impression despite the visuals. They'll think you're spastic. If it were up to me I think they should've gone with a medley of Spending all my time / Hurly Burly / Daijobanai and, I don't know, Mirai no Shitseum (LOLJK) or something. Nonetheless, I can't say I wasn't impressed with this performance. Everything was definitely on point, and a small step out of position would've screwed things up but they didn't. Beyoncé needs to take several notes. 

[Music Video] Namie Amuro - Heaven

I'm just crying at all this language ambiguity that Namiengrish Amuro is giving me right now. The PV for HAIRBOON! premiered and was titled so because that's where all your faves will go to after this album drops.

Weeks ago Namie uploaded a photo of her doing some kamehameha shizznit and instead of focusing on the fact that she's actually having fun everyone was busy getting worried that this was going to be another Break It. Bitches were wrong. The queen is serving me hip, chic, split-screen, bimbadabee badadi badaboom, trippy-illuminati-effects, flawless girly scene with bangs, Zedd-produced, ad-libbing flawlessness ALL in one video. When will your fave? I want Namie to shout in my ear like that everyday.

[New Release] Koda Kumi - Summer Trip

CD+DVD | CD Only

This summer is going to be giving me everything that I need in life. Well, over here in Singapore it's summer everyday, but you know what I mean. Summer Trip is appropriately titled - because gurl most defo needs to make a trip down to where wigs go to die. If not for the more-than-sufficient evidence of her having a vagina in the CD+DVD cover I would've sworn that was RuPaul. Other than that, I love everything else about the covers. That tacky ass font. That slight underboob. The fact that they photoshopped her thigh so much that it looks hilariously like a cooked chicken frank. That Kuu is showing ayumi hamasaki how she should've done her shitass Sunrise / Sunset ~LOVE is ALL~ covers.

[Music Video] Namie Amuro - Hands On Me

YAS. THIS IS EVERYTHING THAT I NEED. Namie Slaymuro just made ayumi hamasaki fans get a refund for those 15th Anniversary tour tickets because they know what's good for them and know what wouldn't make their ears bleed. Let's not even get started on Namie's dancing - for once, bitch ain't recycling dem' dance moves. That 30 seconds are all I need to know that Namie has still got it, and will have it longer than your fave.

Other than being unable to discern anything else other than "beating like a drum!" and "put your hands on me", which cumulatively make up like, 80% of the song, everything else is on. point. Dance moves? On point. Location? On point. Video execution? On point. This is what you get when you name your new label Dimension Point. Because everything is gonna be ON POINT.

[Singles Review] May Singles Highlight: Perfume, JASMINE

Magic of Love

Perfume disappointed with Mirai no Shitseum, and they disappointed HARD, which is why it's only right for them to redeem themselves with Magic of Love. Did they? Kind-of. Magic of Love didn't prove to be as amazeballs and make me play it to death; not as much as Spring Of Life and Hurly Burly, so in comparison to those that song falls flat. The only thing that made this song stand out was how Nocchi sounds weird as fuck in this song, and it's not even in a good way. Maybe she just sounds like that. Poor Nocchi. Handy Man, on the other hand, has some sort of Indian influence to it. Indian-sounding for a song called Handy Man? Unintended subliminal message or not, I love it. But it doesn't make this song sound any less like something that was almost given to KyaryPamyuPamyu by a hair. This single proved to be just average for me, and didn't seem to have the same spark as their previous singles. I'm just overall glad they didn't go downwards from Mirai no Shitseum. Now that would've been BAD.  

6/10

High Flying

Gurl, where you been for 1 year? I absolutely LOVE High Flying. Not as good as Best Partner, but a good song nonetheless. I like the subtle hints of EDM here and there, but given the current trend I certainly wouldn't mind her going all out electronic for the next album (fuck the other a-sides) because it's not like rehashing the same ol' R&B sound is going to do her any favours. Speaking of that, the b-side, BED, is a cover of DOUBLE's, which takes on a slightly jazzier, and more slower R&B feel. I love it. The arrangement is more or less similar to the original, but I found the latter's vocals to be more soothing and smooth which fits the song well. I thought JASMINE on the other hand sounded rather forced on some parts. Anyhoo, I also wonder if titling the song "High Flying" has anything to do with, you know, getting high. ;) Because if this is what she can give me while she's high, I'm not exactly impressed.

 

6/10

[New Release] Namie Amuro - FEEL

CD+Blu-ray | CD+DVD | CD Only

Namie "when will your fave?" Slaymuro is giving me SO MUCH LIFE right now, I don't even know where to start. I can already feel that this shit is gonna blow everybody's pussies up and Namie clearly doesn't give a shit because she does what she wants.

Uncontrolled was some good shit, which Namie herself has admitted it being rushed and last-minutely put together. With FEEL having more creative input from her, it's gonna shut down the whole of Tokyo faster than you can say "holy shitballs". I also hope that her marketing team has enough budget from Uncontrolled's sales to change all the billboards at the Shibuya crossing into her highness' face just so everyone could bow down to her on the release day. And let's be real, her team aren't the ones marketing ayumi hamasaki. So it just might happen.

Namie also seems to think the reason behind Uncontrolled's success is its Engrish tracks in them which is probably why she's serving us a shitload more. I'm not complaining because it's not like I even understand Japanese anyway.

Am I sad that Damage and Beautiful aren't in the tracklist? Maybe. But bitch is clearly getting her shit together because all the songs are actually appropriately capitalised. Shocking! And I didn't even know Contrail was a word before it was announced. I bet Namie still doesn't know what a contrail is too anyway.

FEEL will be released on 10 July 2013.

CD Tracklist

1. Alive
2. Rainbow
3. Can You Feel This Love
4. Big Boys Cry
5. Hands On Me
6. Heaven
7. Poison
8. La La La
9. Supernatural Love
10. Let Me Let You Go
11. Contrail
12. Stardust In My Eyes

DVD / Blu-ray Tracklist

1. Alive (Music Video)
2. Big Boys Cry (Music Video)
3. Contrail (Music Video)
4. Hands On Me (Music Video)
5. Heaven (Music Video)
6. Let Me Let You Go (Music Video)

[CD Packaging] Perfume - Magic of Love (CD+DVD)

I've overthought once again. When I first saw the covers I thought they'd be coming in a fancy transparent plastic slipcase with the grey bits printed on it but noOOOooOOOooo just your usual affair, just like Perfume's music.

[CD Packaging] JASMINE - High Flying

I was looking at the picture of JASMINE signing them limited edition copies and hoping they'd be packaged in a slim digipak but turns out I was wrooooooong. Not complaining because an autographed copy is still an autographed copy, which also makes you wonder how she managed to sit her ass down for 10 years to sign all 2000 copies with the same damn signature. I'd probably write crap like "I am STILL the next Utada baby" or "I wrote this song when I was on crack"

ayumi hamasaki unable to clinch anymore prominent deals, has to settle for hosting

Due to high costs incurred from importing water melted from the ice found at the peak of Mount Everest for her ongoing arena tour where she sits in the water in a glass tank suspended from the ceiling, ayumi hotmessaki has to settle for hosting the upcoming Ultra Music Festival Korea 2013, which is apparently a DJ Music Festival.

This is out of the blue as heck because first of all, it's a DJ music festival. The only reasons why she'd be there is probably to 1) make up for her lack of tie-ins 2) beg DJs for ayu-mi-x 8 or 3) find another husband. Then again, even if she does work with some of the DJs going I hope it's for original material. After Namie is rumoured to be working with Zedd for her upcoming album, gurl better step up her game or the unsold copies of her next studio album can be used to build a mansion. 

This is how I think the show would be like:

"As I don't know much about this genre of music, I would like to perform one of my latest songs, SEASONS. *proceeds to sing SEASONS horribly*"

I'm actually excited to see what will happen there since the last time she's hosted is probably during the AyuReady days from 200 B.C., and while this is probably a last resort for her to earn them extra monies, at least she's not going around telling people she's homeless and has to eat grass. 

[Cover Art] Namie Amuro - FEEL

CD+Blu-ray | CD+DVD | CD Only

Just when you thought Namie Slaymuro is done, she's not. To compensate for the three-year-gap between Uncontrolled and PAST < FUTURE, Namie is going to release an album in July, titled FEEL. Everyone's tired of the "lol she can't feel" jokes now so I shall spare you the misery. Nonetheless, bitch is gonna slay with this shit. There are rumours that the album is going to be produced by Zedd, which just might burst ayumi hamasaki's ovaries.

Let's not even get started on the covers - that is some CAN'T SLEEP, CAN'T EAT, I'M SICK realness. Essentially, the concept behind this album is going to be "don't hear, don't speak, don't see, just feel" or something like that, which also explains the reason behind the covers being black and white. I have no idea how you're going to feel a damn thing if she's telling you not to hear, but okay. Take several notes, Party Queen.

I wanted to get the Blu-ray edition then realised her PVs are shit boring anyway so I settled for the CD+DVD which has the better cover. I'm also glad the covers are not ruined by any form of shit typography (take several notes, LOVE, again, and LOVE again), which also somewhat makes the covers resemble a fragrance ad. Not complaining, though.

Speaking of pulling all the right career moves, Namie has also moved to a new sub-label of avex, "Dimension Point", and I'm really excited because I guess she has more creative freedom now than before. Basically things that Ayu should have done a damn long time ago. She's also going to kick off her new hall tour starting August, and I might actually travel to see her since her Singapore concert got cancelled.

Kaela Kimura pregnant... AGAIN!

Them two be going at it like rabbits. Kaela Ki-mum-ra is now pregnant with her second child, which may or may not mean even more Ring a Ding Dongs, like how she rung Eita's ding dong to get knocked up again. 8EIGHT8 was shit, Sync was also rather shit, and I would really like her to go all out with this second pregnancy to change into this pregnant rocker mother and do another +1 again. Why the hell not? At this point in her career she'd have nothing to lose if that flops anyway.